Mom Time? Whats that?

 

Mom Time? Let's Be Honest... It Barely Exists (And That's Okay)

If you've clicked on this blog hoping I was going to reveal the secret to getting three uninterrupted hours of self-care every day while your children quietly entertain themselves... I'm sorry to disappoint you.

I don't have that secret.

In fact, I'm pretty sure it doesn't exist.

As a stay-at-home mom of four girls, I've learned that "me time" looks a lot different than it did before kids. Gone are the days of deciding at 8 p.m. that I wanted to go grab dinner, take a drive, or wander around Target for absolutely no reason. (Let's be honest, I still wander around Target... now I'm just buying Goldfish crackers and asking, "Who put this in the cart?")

During the day, finding time for yourself is nearly impossible unless you're lucky enough to have a babysitter on speed dial or a partner who doesn't work during the day.

Most of us don't have that luxury.

Our tiny humans need us for everything.

A snack.

A drink.

A hug.

A toy they were literally just holding.

The TV remote.

The shirt they're already wearing.

And somehow, they all seem to need something at the exact same time.

Then there's the bathroom.

Can we all agree that the bathroom isn't actually a bathroom anymore? It's apparently the official family meeting room.

The second you close the door, someone suddenly has an emergency.

"Mom!"

"Mom?"

"MOM!"

"I just wanted to tell you something..."

How do they know? Is there a secret sensor that alerts every child in the house the second Mom sits down for five seconds?

I've accepted that privacy is just a memory from a previous life.

So instead of chasing this picture-perfect version of "mom time" that social media loves to sell us, I changed my expectations.

I stopped trying to find time during the day.

Instead, I made time.

Every single night after my girls go to bed, I take about two hours just for me.

Those two hours are sacred.

Sometimes I throw a blanket in the car, head down to the lake, and lose myself in a good book while the world finally gets quiet.

Other nights, I curl up on the couch with a good movie or TV show, grab some snacks (that I don't have to share), and simply exist without hearing someone ask me for a snack while I'm eating my snack.

It's not fancy.

It's not an expensive spa day.

But it's enough.

Those two hours help me reset.

They remind me that before I was "Mom," I was also a reader, an artist, a writer, a chef, an adventurer, and a woman who simply enjoys a little peace and quiet.

And here's something I've learned that I think every mom needs to hear:

Don't beat yourself up because you can't find hours of "me time."

Don't compare yourself to moms on Instagram who somehow have spotless houses, hot coffee, matching workout sets, and enough free time to meditate before sunrise.

Most of us are just trying to drink our coffee before it gets cold.

You're doing just fine.

Something else I try really hard to prioritize is my relationship with my boyfriend.

Life gets busy.

Kids become the center of everything.

Laundry somehow reproduces overnight.

Before you know it, you've spent three months talking mostly about grocery lists and whose turn it is to pack lunches.

So every few months, we try to plan a date.

Sometimes we're lucky enough to find one of those mythical creatures known as a babysitter.

Other times, our date happens right at home after the girls are asleep.

We'll order takeout, watch a movie, sit outside together, or simply enjoy having a conversation that doesn't involve Bluey, snacks, or who's touching whose toy.

Because our relationship deserves attention too.

Our family started with the two of us.

And if we want to continue building a happy home for our girls, we have to remember to take care of "us" along the way.

At the end of the day, I don't think "mom time" is about escaping your family.

I think it's about remembering that you're still a person outside of being someone's mom.

Maybe your quiet moment is reading by a lake.

Maybe it's watching your favorite show.

Maybe it's painting.

Maybe it's baking.

Maybe it's sitting in your car for ten extra minutes before going into the grocery store because it's the only silence you've heard all day.

Whatever fills your cup, protect it.

Even if it's only a couple of hours after bedtime.

Because tomorrow morning, someone will almost certainly wake you up before your alarm, ask for a snack before breakfast, follow you to the bathroom, and somehow lose the shoes that are already on their feet.

And honestly...

I wouldn't have it any other way.

(Okay... maybe I'd like to pee by myself once in a while.)

But other than that?

I think this beautifully chaotic life is pretty amazing.